Recently

February 26, 2013

26 week FUNNIES!

Call me blunt, I like it.


I threw a pity party. For myself.


Although pregnancy comes with all sorts of joys, at times, it fricken' blows.


Not many want to admit it but BE HONEST people, it's not easy.


A few days ago was one of those days that I felt like saying F-you to anyone who looked at me.


I especially wanted to say F-you to the skinny girl who blurted my weight out at the doctor's office.


Wasn't me staring at the ceiling your signal that I didn't want to know?


Seriously.


Listen up!


I bought my first pair of maternity pants...oh joy! I'm telling myself that H&M runs small because I couldn't get my old pant size past my knees. Not to mention losing my breath just trying to force those suckers up; I wasn't sure if it was shock or heart palpitations that made me yell at the MVP that I was having a heart attack.


Actually, I think it was the fluorescent lighting that caused the shortness of breath. NOT FUN.


__________________________


So as you read above, I went to the doc recently for a routine visit. No ultrasound just a quick weight check, heart beat check, and an are you taking your prenatal check. (guilty). Every time I go to the doctor, I have to give a urine sample. Never having many issues before, I didn't anticipate any today. WRONG.


(SIDE NOTE: Ironically enough my pregnancy tracker app told me to beware of dry, red hands this week.)


Lucky me, my belly blocks sight of my girl parts now. Ever tried to pee in a cup by "guessing"? Next thing I know I can't stop the waterfall and my hand is covered in pee, stinging in the cracks of my dry knuckles. Awesome.


I got a full hand sampling and a few dribbles in the actual cup.


It was a stressful moment, one I will now dread each and every time.


I can't help but wonder if every other can't-see-her-vagina pregnant lady in the waiting room suffers the same problem.


hmmmmmm.


_________________________


I'm growing furry sideburns.


Dark furry sideburns.


Enough said.


________________________


Mid-conversation with a co-worker I farted.


There was no recovery.


I didn't even know I was pinching one in.


It literally came out as I exhaled.


Talk about embarrassing...and stinky.


_________________________


Sleep. Or lack thereof.


I get up to pee oh, 5 times a night?


Not to mention the "I'm hot, I'm cold, I'm sweating, I'm shivering" moments. Nightly.


__________________________


I'm trying to "be good". You know, eat healthy, exercise.


But this week, holy appetite.


I must eat.


I MUST eat, people!!!


I binged, and I mean BINGED on MnM's and tortilla chips.


I knew I'd regret it but at the time...it was orgasmic.


Cravings these days are no joke.


I feel like a scavenger!


________________________


Flushing toilets never seemed difficult...


Until being 6.5 months pregnant.


I've reached the point that lifting my leg to flush with my foot is ridiculously uncomfortable.


Using my hand to push the metallic knob doesn't even gross me out; I feel oddly rebellious.


_________________________


Tying my shoes requires turning purple.


I must hold my breath, spread my legs wide, and HURRY.


With breaks in between feet its possible. Give me a few more weeks and I won't even be able to do it!


___________________________


Sneezing is now an issue with a fragile bladder.


It's inevitable, every sneeze means a tad-of-tinkle in my panties.


I can't even help it!


______________________________


Apparently hemorrhoids are on their way. Hip hip HOORAY for a bloody BH (remember, mom's term for butt hole)!


Non-preggies, I bet you can't wait!
In all seriousness, my baby girl is going to be here in NO TIME!


26 weeks collage1


(I literally took this this morning as I rolled out of bed so WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM)


This is officially the LAST week of my second trimester.


Um...where did the time go?


I love to laugh at all the preggie stuff BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY.


However, I'm eagerly/nervously awaiting the arrival of our little girl.


Mommy in t-minus 3 months.


EEEEEEEEEEEE!


LOTS more to talk about and BIG BIG news coming your way...soon.


a big mama bear hug to you,



KATES

8 comments

  1. weirdly enough... i still cant wait to be pregnant.. praying for you :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's the best regardless! :) a true blessing!

    ReplyDelete
  3. hahhahaha this is just too funny -- oh the joys of being pregnant, I think I'll wait a couple more years :] you are beautiful no matter what that darn scale says. xoxo

    ReplyDelete


UP