December 20, 2013

Sometimes you just need a good cry...

The past few days have felt quite...heavy. 

I suppose I'm a typical woman but I'm not even PMSing so I feel I have no reason to feel emotional. 
It's frustrating. 

I had strange dreams last night that made me uncomfortable. I woke up knowing I needed to dive into the bible, which I did this morning. While Ireland was playing on the bed and I was folding laundry, I overheard the TODAY show talking something about a widower, and pictures with his daughter. It caught my attention but I was busy. Right after the story aired, my mama texted me and said MAKE SURE you go on the internet and look up this story. 

As Ireland drifted off for a nap, I decided I'd sit and relax for a second and look at this story. I googled a few things and it didn't take longer than 2 minutes for the tears to begin. Another 15 minutes of reading blog post after blog post I was in full sobs. The dirty toilets and floors can wait. THIS ugly cry was more important. 

This is a sad and beautiful love story. 
Click the picture below to be taken to the incredible Loft3 blog

This man, Ben, married this girl, Ali 4.5 years ago. They had a baby girl named Olivia. Shortly after Olivia's first birthday, Ali passed away from a rare lung cancer, leaving behind her husband and daughter. Ben and Ali bought this house the day before they were married and took their wedding pictures in their empty abode. Now, Ben and Olivia are moving out of the house and decided to recapture their wedding photos, differently. These pictures are so beautiful it hurts me. Painfully so. 

Please take time to look at the post and if you really need to cry, like I did, keep searching through the previous blog posts. I didn't know Ali or Ben, or her sister, Melanie. This is a real life story of love, loss, grief, and healing. I have sisters. I have a loving husband. I have a sweet baby girl. I can't help but completely fall apart and break down. I'm praying for all of Ali's family, and for Ben and Olivia's new adventure in a different home. My heart is so heavy. 

On the TODAY show Ben spoke and said it's not meant to be sad, it's meant to be a story of healing. I'm reading the story and feeling a glimpse of this grief over these people I don't even know. I'm hurting for them. It gives me hope to see people heal and learn to grieve but right now, Ben and Melanie and Olivia, my heart is hurting for you. 

Keep on keeping on. 

Alright, this ugly cry isn't going anywhere. 


Just last night during our pillow talk, I asked MVP to pray for me because I felt anxious. It was just two weeks ago that I told MVP I find myself afraid that something will happen to me and I won't get to see Ireland grow up. It's morbid, I know. I don't know where these thoughts come from or why but I pray they go away. I'm fully aware of how blessed I am and I tell you what, I'm living everyday like it's my last, but fear an anxiety haunts me. Sometimes more than others. I get afraid driving down the road, or walking into a busy public library. I'm fearful of being robbed or god forbid shot...again. When the phone rings I'm always nervous it's going to be someone with bad news. Lately, I can't seem to shake the anxiety. So, like my last few words to MVP last night, will you pray for me, too? 

I'm sure it all correlates together. You know, the feelings of wanting to cry at any moment, and the random feelings of anxiety. I trust a God who is bigger than all evil so my prayer is the he consumes me from the inside out. 

I apologize for the heaviness...that's life, right?


  1. So so so so so beautiful. Thanks for sharing this, and your heart. You are so real and so lovable. xoxoxo

  2. Kates - I will also pray for you to have peace and to "fear not" as the bible says. You may not remember, but I lived this same scenario and YOU were the one that would not have remembered your dad. You were only about 18 months old and doctors could not figure out what was wrong with a low platelet count in my blood. Many tests were done and no answers for about 2 months of just not knowing if I would share another Christmas with my family or would they remember me? Especially my youngest, you. Never did figure out what it was. It gives a person a different perspective on life and living, something that can be a kind of amazing gift too … like that bullet. Life is an amazing journey and knowing and trusting God makes it more beautiful. You have been amazing to me since day #1 and iiley is helping you understand new meanings of unconditional parental love every day. You continue to amaze me and I love all that you continue to add to my life journey. You share with me that it amazes you that you can love someone so much and that your love for iiley increases every day … news flash … that does not stop! My love for you continues to grow as I watch you continue to grow. Love is God's greatest attribute and greatest gift to us. I love you so.

  3. i was so moved by this story too. hope you find peace and comfort!