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May 31, 2014

Are you allergic to spontaneity?


"Don't me mad when I say this, but I feel like you need to act like your 27. We're young and you're acting like your 35 with three kids."

GULP.

That talk from my husband hit me like a ton of bricks.
A. He was so right
B. Where and when did I lose the spontaneous Katie?
C. How the do I get her back?

It felt all to overwheming. Quite frankly, I'm forever thankful I have a husband who tells me the things I don't want to hear. He knows me better than anyone and for him to say this means I'm a lot farther gone than I realized.

Marriage is when two people who love each other come together and build a life together...a forever life. We've been married for nearly 3 years, together for SEVEN. That alone is worth celebrating! But hold tight...it hasn't remained a healthy relationship with out some housecleaning. It takes work and by work I mean lots of hard talks and obvious actions. It's normal, not to be feared. Although I don't like to dish all my personal bizz out there, this talk is something I know others can relate to. Maybe your kick in the pants won't be from your partner but hopefully it will come from me.

BOOM.

Have you been allergic to joyfulness? Have you felt bored? Have you used the phrase, "I can't, the baby is sleeping" too much? When is the last time you ran into the ocean without any hesitation? When is the last time you didn't worry about your alarm and stayed out late because you were having fun? When is the last time you really laughed HYSTERICALLY? When is the last time you danced without caring who was watching? When is the last time you were spontaneous? Do you ALWAYS follow the rules? 

Do you even know what spontaneous means?

Spontaneous: coming or resulting from a natural impulse or tendency; without effort or premeditation; natural and unconstrained; unplanned.

impulse, unconstrained, unplanned.

Feeling that pit in your stomach yet? If not, congrats, you're actually LIVING. If you are, you're the exact reason I'm writing this (so don't go away!).

I've always categorized myself as someone who lives with spontaneity; I took pride in it. Until that dreadful sentence that my husband said that made me sink and say, "oh, shit."

That girl that onced blindfolded my husband and took him on a one day beach camping adventure? She's gone.
That girl that had a picnic in the middle of an intersection?
She's gone.
That girl that spontaneously ran through sprinklers and made out for hours on the baseball field? 
She's gone, too.

HOLY SMOKES.

Now, I know I've grown up a bit, which is good in many ways. But spontaniety can be safe and FUN and you know what? Saves relationships.

My best advice to  newlyweds is to play cards...naked. It's safe. It's free. It's thrilling. It's...unconstrained.

Spontaneity, in my unimportant opinion, is the foundation for healthy and lasting relationships. It's confident, adventurous, and all to often...neglected.

I started my career. Got pregnant. Had a baby.

All WONDERFUL things that I would never take back.

But...

As I gained new things, I lost some very wonderful things.

I lost my spontaniety caring too much about what people will think, following all the rules just because I'm a mom, and caring way too much about sleep. (I was still tired, anyway!)

When MVP said that sentence, I knew he was so right. I kept wanting to blame things on him only to realize that I had lost my fun factor. He had lost his fun partner, the girl he once fell in love with.

WHOA.

Thankfully, it doesn't take much to live with spontaneity, to start actually LIVING again.

So last weekend I had a 3 day beach vacation for my best friends bachlorette party. I did things I before was too confortable saying no too. I held hands with 4 girlfriends and sprinted into the ocean. My hair was in knots, sand was in places I shouldn't name, but my heart was at capacity of happiness. I couldn't believe how alive I felt, with something so innocent and simple.

I also danced my butt off, with out caring. I can dance, at a bar, as a Christian married woman. It IS possible to be perfectly respectful to your signtificant other while out without them! And it was FUN!

I talked to strangers, wore no makeup, and even danced in my bikini on the boardwalk.

I acted like I was married. I acted like I was a mother. I acted like I was 27.

And it felt absolutely incredible.

I smiled more. I was more patient. I laughed. And I couldn't WAIT to get home to my husband and lay a fat kiss on him.

He saved me. He saved us.

Do you need to be saved?

If being spontaneous is completely out of your comfort zone, BREAK IT. Shatter it. LET LOOSE. Stop making rules that don't exist. Stop caring about routines and schedules. Stop putting expectations on yourself and others. JUST LIVE. FREELY. IMPULSIVELY.

This is a life worth living.

One word: GO.

PS: Watch out world, Katie is totally back. And back with a vengeance! 






2 comments

  1. Oh my gosh I love this post! Let the windows down and let your hair blow and get messy! Breathe in the sweet summer air and LOVE life! Thanks for this! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Family bathroom, 3 toilet seat covers and laughing so hard I was crying -- talk about spontaneity :)

    ReplyDelete


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