July 25, 2014

Dear Jacqui, we haven't forgotten you.

Dear Jacqui, 

This letter travels to you, from a teeny tiny house in Las Vegas. I sit here, nervous as I write. Should I send this publicly or privately? How will she receive this? Where is her heart at, right now? I don't know any of those answers, but I do know that silence does no good. I also know that I've written about you before and oddly enough it seems okay to share this on a public platform. Ever since Jasmyn and I didn't a photography mini-session in honor of Ryan, I've been trying to find the right words to talk about it. Although my heart has been aching, the words never felt right, and the months slipped by in silence. 

Jacqui, my name is Katie, and I haven't forgotten your hurt. 
I understand to most, it is a terrible tragic story. To you, it is your LIFE. Your hurt. Your fear. Your grief. Your constant and daily struggle just to get out of bed. You see, I've lived through trauma...and grief. Although loss was not a chapter in my book, pain and suffering was. 
Jacqui, your hurt has not been forgotten. 
As the months dragged on, people who once hugged me extra tight stopped and so did the random phone calls and texts. I understood that life goes on for others yet I vividly remember feeling extremely alone. I don't know where you are at in the grieving process and if you're anything like me, you probably don't know where you are at either. 
I don't know what to say other than that I, and we, haven't forgotten to pray for you. Jacqui, I haven't forgotten your agony.  

I pray that this reaches you at a time when you need the words the most. Stranger to stranger, I hope this brings you a small dose of comfort. I hope you know, and feel, that the blogging community is hugging you tight. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know our redeeming father is rocking you, and your husband, to sleep each night. One day, I promise, the world will have colors again. It's okay to grieve. It's okay to hurt. It's okay to not be okay. Just know, Jacqui, in your most vulnerable and lonely moments, you're not forgotten. 

I don't know if you're aware of our #redballoonsforryan mini-session but it came from big hearts. Our small contribution was profound to us, and hopefully to you too.

Blessings to you and yours, 

1 comment

  1. Katie,
    Thank you for writing this. I have continued to pray and ache and cry for Jacqui, and I'm so thankful you've voiced this to her. It is beautifully written.