Recently

August 12, 2014

Real life emotions.

21 hours. 

::sigh::

I have 21 hours left to hold and squeeze my toddler before I find myself back at work. My business cards will no longer say Stay At Home Mom, rather, Half-time Kindergarten teacher. 

I'm a roller coaster of emotions. 

Shockingly, I'm not as anxious for the teaching part as much as I am leaving my daughter. I held her this morning, so tightly, realizing the days of Sesame Street with kale and scrambled eggs are limited to just weekends. Her sweet voice and first morning hug will now be rushed with my mind on work, that is if I even see her before 6 am. Usually, I can't wait for nap time to arrive; now I'm desperate for her to wake up. 

Her smell. Her kisses. Her laughter. Her joy. Her sassiness. 
All of it will be cut in half. 

Am I allowed to say this is wrecking me today? 

We prayed a lot about me going back to work. I truly know God's hands are in this and I feel we made the right choice, however, right now, leaving her feels scary, vulnerable, and just plain sad. 

Working moms, how do you do it? How do you manage your emotions?

I feel blessed to have the option to work half-time, rather than full-time. I feel blessed to have holidays, weekends, nights, and summers off while being paid. It's enough to help financially, while still being present in the afternoons and evenings. 

I'm trying to process and recognize all my fears, and trust that this is a great thing. 

My mom texted me this morning and said, "I'll pray that God gives you a gift of allowing you to see this new experience exactly the way he wants you to see it, and that you'll be filled with his wisdom and joy." 

Thanks mama, I love you. 

Separate from the fears and sadness that comes with leaving my baby, comes excitement and joy to greet my new students. God gives us many gifts and I'm eager to love on and teach my new class! I know my heart is big enough to be both mom AND teacher. I have trainings and classroom prep the next two weeks but my heart goes out to all the students who are anxiously waiting the first day of school. 

My new kiddos, I can't wait to learn your quirks, your strengths, your weaknesses, and your hearts. It's going to be a GREAT year in Kindergarten!

For today, I'm replenishing my mind, body, and soul; with jitters, I'm closing one door as I lay down tonight. Tomorrow, a brand new adventure awaits!


2 comments

  1. Hi Katie
    Good luck starting your part time job! The ability you have to work with kids is inspiring! I am a working mom who pulls about 35 hours a week and your fears and feelings are TOTALLY valid! I wish I could tell you the days get easier and are less hassle but they don't! I often have days where I would like to quit! You will find the groove that works for you and your family very quickly! Prayers for you girl!

    I'd love to do a blog post about being a working mom if you are interested!!

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good luck on going back to work! You can do it!!! Xx

    ReplyDelete


UP