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July 21, 2015

Conflict resolution...as a chaotic female.

I’m about to get down and dirty and really real so leave your judgments at the door and come in with a smile!

You are more than welcome in my space.

THIS keeps showing up in my life. Over and over and over again my weak areas and flaws slap me in the face. It’s a pattern of the way I handle sensitive situations with people, especially those I really adore. It’s unhealthy, ugly, and disliked.

…and usually at its worst when I PMS. True story.

I’m so freaking happy about that! Seems ridiculous to be happy, I know. Just listen.

I guess this is where I have to reveal what THIS is.

THIS: expecting words, impulsive, insecure, need for reassurance, and telling stories to myself that aren’t true.

Furthermore, acting or speaking out of fear and insecurity during any touchy situation in a rapid manner without thinking properly and/or allowing any time to process. A pattern of assuming “space” is a negative thing when in all actuality it is healthy and NECESSARY for all involved. Additionally, assuming the worst causing panic, fear, worry, and dreaded word: self-destruction.

YUCK!

Like how I just dove in? Makes my palms clammy and stomach hurt!

Anyway. There is something REALLY awesome about this whole thing.

  1. I’M AWARE! I’m staring it DEAD in the face. #celebrate
  2. I’m being open, vulnerable, and honest with MYSELF. I’m intentional about choosing better ways to handle any sensitive topic. Which = growth…bada-bing!
  3. Instant positive outcomes are present. A win for everyone!
  4. I’m able to practice asking good questions, self-awareness, application, AND TEACHING (with you!).
If you are like most females…you operate on emotion. You want to feel wanted and loved ALL THE FREAKIN’ TIME. Even in the midst of conflict, you want reassurance. And sadly, you look to the other friend/spouse/lover to make your insecurities about yourself disappear. It doesn’t matter who what where or when, if you find yourself always wanting more more more…I’m talking to YOU. If you allow conflict to alter your entire mood, this is for you. If you feel unworthy or insecure or self-sabotaging…

THIS IS FOR YOU!

Let me guess…you have existed in a world of unmet expectations (on yourself and others) and at the end of the day you feel MORE insecure because you had to ask for reassurance? Yeah…been there. Or you somehow manipulated the situation to get out what you really wanted to hear? Been there, too. Orrrr, the conflict was resolved and you STILL question and need more. BEEN THERE, TOO!

It’s called co-dependence. But that requires an entire year long of blog posts, seriously. We will dive in later.

Just imagine...

What if you didn’t need to feel wanted and believed you were loved without all the emotional bullshit?

What if you and the person on the other side admired your support and conflict resolution?

And the kicker!

…what if you felt so POWERFUL that you could be calm and courageous and wise in the eye of a hurricane?

Seems almost impossible, right?

For me…it did. And if you actually pay attention to your own behavior…you may see some stinky behaviors that need to be purged, too.

Our feminine essence is one to be admired; our emotions are a tool that can be used in such beautiful ways. Next time you meet conflict, next time you feel insecure, next time you’re tempted to speak before you think, next time you feel wronged...

Allow space.
Be courageous to step back.
Pray.
Seek to love yourself rather than seeking reassurance.
Choose to believe that regardless of the storm circulating around you, you will remain calm.
Pursue actions that will encourage and support the other person to be the BEST them, regardless of any disappointment.
Release expectations.
Ask yourself if the stories you are telling yourself are ABSOLUTELY true.
Fight to see how you are showing up. Reframe your thinking and stop blaming. 
Walk away extracting a lesson and discuss what you learned with whomever you are in conflict with.
Be an example of health and light. 

…and lastly, breathe.
You are a powerful and wonderful human being. Don’t cut yourself short of growing and CELEBRATE your intentional efforts to be better. It's okay to not have it all together. 


Here’s to putting on our big girl panties and celebrating our chaotic emotional nature while becoming secure, stable, independent, confident women.

PS: Have you connected with me on social media? Please do! I love hearing responses, ideas, and thoughts about the topics I write about so don't hesitate to reach out. Click the little red social media buttons to connect or type in your email to receive my posts as I publish. Also...if you find this would be helpful...share it! If I have learned anything through this process...it is that there is a need and a hunger for vulnerability and hope. Knowing it is impacting YOU, gives my story great purpose. Be a part of my tribe and run with me, will ya?


2 comments

  1. I just love this, and you! I have been following you for over 2 years now and these days, you got me all reflecting, and I LOVE it! Thank you for always keeping it real and bearing yourself to others. Hang in there and know you are not alone, but posts like these are helpful to others. You rock!

    ReplyDelete
  2. HI Maggie! Thank you so much for the love...you have no idea how much it touches me. Thank you for following along...truly! Sending hugs and thanks your way. xo.

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