October 8, 2015

Reacting vs. Responding

Hello again!

Every woman should read this. Why? Because we are crazy!

Call it hormones, call it emotions, call it whatever you want...bottom line is our feelings are often uncontrolled and we don't even notice.

...but we can. We need to. For OURSELVES and for our serenity.

WE respond REACT.


We are so good at it and we've trained ourselves for our entire existence that we are completely unaware of how much YUCK we feel...all caused on ourselves.

Yes, we create the YUCK.

Think of how you handle conflict or any ill feelings. It could be a huge argument or simply a icky feeling you have. If you are feeling anxious, afraid, indignant, outraged, rejected, worried, or sorry for are likely reacting.


I KNOW I'm not the only one.

It's not wrong to feel that. The difference is deciding how LONG we want to feel that way and what we want to do about it.

We react because we are afraid and anxious of what has happened, might happen, and is happening. We react to other peoples feelings, actions, or problems. We react to our OWN feelings and problems. We become urgent and compulsive and want to jump on the FIRST emotion we feel.

Can we all agree that when we react, we don't show up our BEST?

"We are reacting without thinking--without honest thought about what we need to do, and how we want to handle the situation. Our emotions and behaviors are being controlled--triggered--by everyone and everything in our environment. We are indirectly allowing others to tell us what to do. That means we have lost control. We are being controlled." -Melody Beattie

We react, uncontrolled, without thinking, the first feeling that comes to us. All with good intention...but it typically doesn't serve all. Overtime it's a habit that is feared by anyone we surround ourselves with and even our own subconscious. We don't TRUST ourselves when we react.

How many of you have ever let others determine how YOU feel? How many of you seek approval and reassurance after a conflict?

Let me tell you something that has been pivotal for me to learn...

Each time we exercise our right to choose how we want to act, think, feel, and behave, we feel better and stronger.  

Here are some ways that Melody Beattie in the book Codependent No More suggests to detach from reacting...and learn to respond.

1. Learn to recognize when you are reacting. If you are saying, "he or she made me feel that way", is the strongest indication. This is so hard! Why? Because we have trained ourselves to allow others to determine how we feel. People...WE CHOOSE HOW WE FEEL. We choose how long we want to hurt or be anxious.

2. Make yourself comfortable. Relax. Do whatever you can to recognize you are in a chaotic moment and find a way to restore your peace and serenity BEFORE saying anything. We don't need to be impulsive and have it fixed right away. You will gain control over yourself...and THAT feels powerful.

3. Examine what happened. Talk with a trusted person or friend. Don't keep your emotions caged truthful to what happened. Take responsibility for your feelings. It may be something minor that you sort through yourself. Are you taking this too personally? Are you trying to control an event? Are you angry because someone didn't guess what you really wanted or what you were really trying to say? Did someone push YOUR insecurity buttons? Is it the end of the world?

4. Take care of YOURSELF. ***My personal mantra these days!*** Make your decisions from a peaceful state. Are you going to apologize? Or let the whole thing go? You are NOT responsible for making other people "see the light" and you do not need to "set them free". You are responsible for YOURSELF to see the light and to set yourself free. FREE yourself from the control of how others feel and take care of yourself.'s time to face your fears about losing control. You can gain control of yourself and your responsibilities. Free others to BE WHO THEY ARE. In doing so, you will set yourself free.

Slowwwwwwwwww dowwwwwwwwwwn.

We don't have to be so frantic. We must love ourselves...we can't do that when we operate in chaos all the time. We can't do that when we are so afraid. By responding...we will be more aware, more predictable, more free, more loving, more attractive.

Practice this. Daily.

Much much love.

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