January 27, 2016

Spiritual Badass Prescription number ONE from a divorced single girl ----> DO. YOU.

{Forward...this was one that I started a month ago and just finished it now!}

It's Christmas break in San Diego and here's my message. 


If you're married, single, divorced, widowed, engaged, dating, celibate, or blah blah blah...


trust me on this one...DO YOUUUUU. 


....because, you'll be more attractive, more stable, and more um.....just better.

You'll be a whole spiritual badass offering the world your very best YOU and attracting the very best.

Sign. me. up!

Humans survive off connection with other humans in some form or fashion. It's actually fascinating to me how much humans need and crave other humans.

Something happens though...and it's THIS:

We. forget lose. ourselves.

It happens in an instant as soon as we put more focus on some sort of relationship...our own shit drops off the planet.

I'm proposing a debatable question: Does this work for us?

My answer: no.

You see, it's deceiving. Our human instinct is to attach and find ways to nurture and depend on someone else. We fall so deeply into the traps of worrying about the other person (whether it be friend, ex, new lover) RATHER than nurturing our own dreams.

Are we wrong for doing this? Nope.

...but, does it build a healthy foundation? NO.

Trust me...take it from the divorced, single girl over here...

DO YOU, sexy mama, DO YOU.

Want to know how I know this? Damn't, I knew the answer was yes. I really hate sharing my crap...but because I know vulnerability is powerful for me, I shall cringingly do! I was (keyword: was!) the classic case of co-dependence. Makes me cringe just hearing the word. Any relationship I've been in I poured SO MUCH into it that I always lost ME. Guess what else I lost? Them. You see, I had my logic all twisted. The more I gave my focus and attention outwardly the more lost I became. The more lost I became the more I looked to that relationship to fill my OWN tank. Which led to a more demanding, insecure, and way less attractive woman. My ENTIRE life became dependent on that relationship because I said YES to JUST THAT. It's pretty simple: we consume in the other, forget who we are, and try to operate successfully there--doesn't happen.

Now now! It's an ebb and flow and takes TWO people to focus on themselves, individually. Sure, you can get a little lost but choose someone who challenges you and pushes you to come back to Earth--and be confident enough to hear it. Be picky about who you let in your circle!

I wasn't crazy...I watch it happen EVERYWHERE around me. However, now that I'm more aware and have a few failed romantic relationships under my belt, I recognize the internal destruction we cause by consuming ourselves outwardly rather than ALWAYS focusing inwardly. And I'm FULLY aware that two people focusing more outwardly is a recipe for a complete atomic bomb.

There is so much wellness to be granted to those who focus their energy inwardly.

When we know we can satisfy ourselves it instantly removes the expectations--and I've said it before expectations are nothing more than a curse!

Let the other side be responsible for THEIR well-being and self-care. But think, if they are willing, are you giving them a safe place to do so?

So I ask: what are your goals, hobbies, interests, priorities, and dreams? What are you doing to pursue and nurture those everyday? And how are you encouraging whomever you share your world with to do the same?

If you FIND you again, I promise you will instantly attract more sweeeeeet sweeeeeeeet goodness into your life. Simultaneously, your tribe around you will benefit from the permission and space and confidence you have by not feeling threatened by their desire to work on them.

If you're married, don't give up! It will require some adjustments, and, perhaps some {dreaded word} counseling but this shift is VERY attainable when two people are willing to do the work.

Single girls! Stop looking and start finding YOU. Be wise in your awareness and only allow fellows who work on themselves into your space. Take this time for nurturing that light inside you--You're all you've got and THAT is MORE THAN ENOUGH!

I wish I learned this LONG ago but FRICK, I'm so glad I can write this today.

I don't care what situation you are in. Find you. Do you. And encourage your most loved ones to do the same. They deserve to be as much of a spiritual badass as you do. There's no threat to it...just extreme yumminess on the other side.

Stay tuned because I'll be posting a FREE printable of my daily "work on me shit". It's my own tool to stay committed to "Katie" first and always. The best version of myself is the BEST I can offer the world--that includes YOU, my lovely reader. 


  1. Good Advice Kate, smart and spicy.

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  4. that relationship to fill my OWN tank

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