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January 19, 2016

The Single Mom Manifesto



Dear single mommies,

I'm here to welcome you to the better half of your life.

It's time to get your shit together. Bust out those big girl panties and suck it up.

Here's the deal: being divorced, dumped, cheated on, heartbroken, the list continues...sucks BALLS. Really really big balls.

I mean MASSIVE BALLS kind of suck.

Did I just say that?

Damn straight I did because those big sucking balls are so big I had to say it 8 times.

It SUCKKKKSS!

But how long are going to let yourself ache?

NEWSFLASH! No one is going to fix your pain. All those late night escapes to the closet to cry, or kitchen floor pity sessions depressed with no man to feed, or kid barf oozing down your saggy breastfed boobies...are done!

Why? ...because you're GOING to put on those big girl panties. You're GOING to suck it up and start living.

Living with zest, courage, power, and spontaneity.

SIGN ME UP girlfrannnn.

I get it. Are you physically, emotionally, and mentally SPINNING juggling a full-time job, getting your now "single-body" back into shape, picking up every self help book, dating (um, how do I date again? It's been a decade since I've been single and Tinder? WTF?), and mostly BEING MOM?

Let's cut the bullshit, being a mom, an incredible mom, is a job that's not for the weak. It's a challenge for happy-go-lucky couples let alone single moms!

You are doing it! Like REALLY. You are loving your littles with every OUNCE you have.

You are a super hero. BELIEVE IT!

You deserve a hundred gold stars for what you do. Loving your littles is the easiest part, right? It's parting with them that is crushing. It's hard to admit we need a break but leaving them is just wrong. Like REALLY REALLY not fair.

It never gets easier no matter who tells you it does. Life is meant to be lived and shared with your kids and there is nothing more crushing than saying goodbye every week.

Sucks balls. (Lots of ball sucking going on over here.)

But that's the life we created. We are literally one day closer to DYING with every waking sun. Like WAKE UP, we are dying!!!

Do you realize how much time and energy you are WASTING crying on the bathroom floor?

Feeling sorry for yourself?
Being bitter?
Angry?
Shamed?
Guilty?
Scared?
Worried?

You are not a victim. You are a fucking VIKING.

So start acting like it. A ridiculously free and adventurous life is around the corner but you are choosing to overthink, argue with reality, fear, and BLAME.

Admit it. You have been pointing the finger at every one else.

How is that working for you?

YOU. Yes you, the broken single-mommy who is desperate for happiness on the other side of the screen, are holding YOURSELF hostage.

You're better than that. And you're sure as hell a lot stronger than you thought you were.

Sure, life looks different. AND THAT'S OKAY.

Hearts heal. They do.

There is a time for sadness, truly. But it gets old REAL QUICK. It doesn't serve us. It doesn't serve our children. And we had a part in it.

Slap yourself on the cheek and literally say "get yourself together". Like, right now get slappin'.

DO IT.

You are worth it. And you sure as hell are enough just the way you are.

DO YOU, single-mama. DO YOU!

You have permission to be YOU.

Be fierce in the way you love your children and be FIERCE in the way you love yourself.

Cut the blame game. Don't seek another man to fix your problems. FIX YOU.

Say adios to victim and HELLO to a sassy, sexy, independent, strong, brave, powerful WOMAN who deserves epic love.

You aren't going to get it if you don't love yourself. Heck, you're probably so insecure you don't even LIKE yourself.

Right now, all of that is behind you.

YOU, beautiful single-mommy, are powerful.
YOU, brave single-mommy, are gorgeous.
YOU, strong single-mommy, are RESILIENT.
YOU, are a goddess radiating with purpose.

Are you going to settle for this half-lived life or welcome the BETTER half? It would be such a shame to settle, or God forbid WAIT for someone to fix you.

Forgive. Own your story. Be vulnerable. Practice spontaneity! Breathe. Fix yourself. Replace fear with gratitude. Shift your focus. Drink wine with your girlfriends. Exercise. Flirt. Blast the music. Buy the new shirt. Wax your muff. Pray. Teach your kids to be graceful. Compliment others. Cry only when it serves you. Be happy alone. Never say "you", only I. Whenever you feel stress, any stress, work on you. Dance in the kitchen.  Buy organic. Thrive on imperfection. Set goals. BE PRESENT. Learn something new EVERYDAY. Read. Screw insecurity. Journal. Practice turning your thoughts around. Be BOLD. Wear lipstick. Give yourself permission to suck. Mind the gap. Say no. Don't expect anything. Don't chase men. Be wild. Ditch friends who make you feel like shit. Get your beauty rest. Hug your kids. And lastly, choose what color and fabric your fabulous big girl panties are going to be.

Commit to it.

And for those who aren't single mommies? Search for one, and tell them how kick ass they are.

And for all, let's share this! There are too many single mommies who are starved of hope. Share it, pin it, post it, email it, send it to Ellen for fucks sake!

To all my fellow single-mamas: you are a goddess. You deserve to be whole, happy, spicy, powerful, and in control of your life.

I'd offer to help you out your panties on, but then it just gets weird. I'm confident you WILL figure it out.

With hugs and sass,
Single-mommy Katie Rae

                                       



3 comments

  1. Kates - you kick ass! Your mom was a single mom when I met and married her. Single moms are all you say. To any guys reading this … single moms have it together, have their priorities dialed in, and have learned lots of important life lessons, and as a bonus, you get to see what kind of parent they might make for your family.

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  2. Girl, PREACH. Thank you for putting this out there.
    I've said since the day I found out I was pregnant that I would not allow myself to fall victim to the single mom stereotype. Cami is the REASON I've not only survived but THRIVED.

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  3. Thank you for this! I'm new to your blog. I'm a single mom and boy it is a hard job. I'm putting my big girl panties on and rocking it daily. There are days where my rocking it don't look as pretty as the next day but that is okay. I'm working on me. I'm figuring life out. I spent a good six months sitting in my misery and then I had enough. Put myself in therapy and went to work. Boy it has been a transformation. I'm proud of the me I've become. I still have work to do and always will but that is okay.

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