May 24, 2016

I bought a house!

A year ago I was packing up my LIFE in boxes. Cursing and crying the entire time. You see, all in one month I signed divorce papers, gave away my dog, sold the home Ireland first came home to, moved my classroom, and shared custody for the first time. I hadn't paid a bill in eight years, didn't know how to use the grill, and didn't even work full time. I didn't even kill my own bugs! In fact, at 28 I had to ask my parents to cosign for an APARTMENT with me because I didn't qualify on my own. How pathetic, right?

My heart, you guys. It was all sorts of messy.

....363 days later (exactly) Ireland and I opened the doors to our very own HOME! No cosigners, no financial help...just the two of us.  We delighted in takeout on the floor and played a Frozen board game. Oh, we prayed over our new home and our future adventures in this new home, too. I'll never forget tonight, mostly, because it's a celebration of GROWTH. And in Ireland's words, "it's just me and you, mom!".

Even though I am saying "Go me!" to myself...that's not the purpose of writing this. The purpose of this is to understand and appreciate GROWTH. I can't tell you how many times I felt lost, stagnant, confused, tired, and negative. Throughout the year I battled the ebb and flow of growth losing sight on the growth that was actually taking place. I did a lot of mean girl talk to myself for not growing enough. It's all bullshit!

I'm literally NOT the same woman I was a year ago. It's been a year of intense emotionally, spiritual, and mental GROWTH and gee whiz I am SO thankful. At crossfit tonight I was running with big ol' tears in my eyes because it all hit me. I saw myself differently. I see the growth and I'm actually in awe of the goodness that can come out when you INTENTIONALLY pursue YOURSELF.

The biggest growth is learning to live wholeheartedly. It REALLY has nothing to do with a house; it's merely symbolic. It's about giving ourselves permission to be vulnerable, honest, open, and committed to growth to reap the WHOLEHEARTED benefits that are born. 

If you're in a season of yuck I can't encourage you ENOUGH to step out of victim, out of suffering, and out of misery and INTO rebuilding the best life you can imagine. It actually is just a choice. And NEWSFLASH: no one is coming to save you. Sorry, toots.

Infinite love and hugs to the tribe of people that have helped me this past year. You've continually pushed me to GROW and I feel so incredibly humbled at your grace, laughs, hard talks, and encouragement. Truly.

(ps: I now kill my own bugs, know how to use a grill, and have a killer credit score! And I do so much more, too! #growth)