May 15, 2016

Space. Seek it.

My former husband and I separated a little over a year ago. Man, I get sweaty and super nervous just talking about this. But, there is value in vulnerability so I’m gonna suck it up. Divorce with children forces space-unwanted and wanted.

Being a divorced single mama allows a lot of time and never enough time. It’s provided space I didn’t even know I needed. Please listen, hear my cry of vulnerability, and soak up my words; not for my ego, but yours

This is merely me sharing my crud so you can possibly see the value in SPACE. I was terrible with space. I didn’t grant it on myself or my husband. Not only did I not grant it I FEARED space. With space bubbled insecurity because my external world wasn't within reach. Space meant I had to think and feel and space left me vulnerable and unprotected. I wasn’t aware of this-all of this was subconsciously being created by me.

Party people, I was SO afraid of my own thoughts and didn’t even know it. I blamed my ADD on not being able to sit still but the truth is I was addicted to distraction, fun, fear of missing out, and social gatherings. Being alone meant boredom or that someone was doing something more cool than me. Space with my husband felt personal and like I wasn’t a priority (which wasn’t true!). Here’s a #truthbomb: we get addicted to things that distract because we are afraid of our OWN truths. It robbed my joy and numbed me all over because I had no grasp on my internal world. My focus contaminated my external. YIKES!

You know how much power the lack-of-space held? Like ALL of it. 

A soul sister of mine asked me…what it is that YOU needed back then? What was the most powerful resource to you? A little bit of silence and a sip of my green juice I looked her in the eye and said SPACE. I needed to not fear SPACE. 

I needed to create, long-for, embrace, and treat SPACE as important as breathing. 

I needed to recognize the value for ME in seeking space and encourage those I surround myself to take space. 

I needed to understand, stare down, and find the root of the insecurities that flooded with space. 

Divorce forced me into space. It literally forced me out of my current world into more time alone than I was EVER comfortable with.

And my goodness, that combustion led to some serious owies within myself I didn’t want to address.  

The lesson isn’t to go get divorced so you can have space. It may sound appealing to some but that it NOT my recommendation. I think God used my divorced to teach this to me but that’s not the soul solution to much deeper roots. Divorce was merely a catalyst that barfed up all my internal SHIT and left me with no option other than to understand it, love it, and GROW from it. 

Running towards space is the answer. Single, divorced, with kids, no kids, old, young, I don’t care! If you don’t have space you are the only one to blame. You create it. Bottom line. 

Do you fear space? Afraid of what you might think and feel? Do you take time FOR YOURSELF focusing all your energy on what resides within? 

I’m not encouraging space to fill with more distractions like Facebook or happy hour. While that may feel good temporarily you won’t find access to freedom in those outlets. I’m encouraging space for time with God, yourself, and that lovely beating heart and incredible mind of yours. 

The craziest part is that when we can step away for a bit, we actually set ourselves FREE. Filled with more creativity, love, and passion. Distraction is plain dilution. Are you diluting your joy? That’s a serious question. Why do ANYTHING that dilutes your joy? 

People ask me all the time “how do you do it?”. While my answer is always different it boils down to space and creating the time to nourish and explore Katie. To unravel and love my imperfect self. 

Turns out whats inside her isn’t so scary, after all.

If you long for peace and joy in your life, chase SPACE from the external and tune in on the internal. All the answers and access your seeking is waiting for your attention within. Grant yourself and your surrounding tribe a safety to seek PURPOSEFUL space. If you long for it, CREATE that 5 minutes, buy the new book, or learn to meditate. Feed that soul, otherwise, your feeding your darkness. Don’t let it win. 

Discovery is a beautiful way to FEEL. Distraction is a sure path to numb. 

The choice is yours, my dear seekers. 

Today, while missing my baby girl because it is her dads weekend, I’m fully embracing this SPACE. And you know what? Filling that space with intention because TODAY MATTERS. I matter. YOU, yes you, you freakin’ matter, too. 

No comments

Post a Comment